A little of my feelings.

Lately i feel so exhausted, stressed up.
I wish the time can be stopped and i don’t have to face this.

I’m not afraid to say that financial is my biggest problem.
I used to have a comfortable life when i was a kid, not rich but comfortable is the word i would use. However, things started to change slowly.

My dad was attacked by stroke and my mum had to support the family. As i remembered, we lived under people’s support. I’m thankful to those who had helped us during our hard times but at the same time i won’t forget the judgement that had been thrown to us.

After completing high school, i went to college with no clear direction. Not taking my studies seriously, i decided to stop college after my 1st year of degree. The word college reminds me of the friends i used to hang out, my playboy ex boyfriend and all the dramas i had encountered.

I’m still playful now but the difference is i know my limit. Not sure when it started, but responsibility had changed me. My mum went through alot which i don’t think i can manage if it was me. My dad left us 3 years ago and my biggest regret is that i didn’t have the chance to repay him. Whenever i think of him, my tears drop so easily.

Life is getting better i guess, after years of moving around, my sister and i bought our very own house. Maintaining a house and car, and at the same time to support your family is seriously not easy. When you have to pay every single thing by yourself, you’ll understand how hard it is. Maybe this is the reason i’m not ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. Maybe this is the reason i’m not fancy of having my own child unless i’m financially stable.

Working hard is always what i need to do but sometimes i just hope i can have someone to lean on. Once in awhile, this question cross my mind “All these for what?” The answer is, for a living. For a comfortable life for my parent. I don’t care how my money comes from, as long as i didn’t hurt anyone, i’m good to go. I might be a materialistic type of person but public don’t have the right to judge me. I’ve seen the ugliest side of human nature, this lifeless thing called money can really change someone.

Sometimes, i do have bad thoughts. I feel envy towards people that are commitment free, that they lived under parent’s support. They do not need to worry about anything. But i believe this is something i’ll need to go through in my life. No parents will not love their child, they always give everything they can afford to. Simple actions can show how much they love you. If they can do so much for you, why can’t you do the same?

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