2020, the year of improvement.

Twenty twenty is a nice figure but unexpectedly, corona virus hits us. Everyone will remember that year because it had caused a huge impact all over the world, started with China. I still remember when i first heard the news of corona hitting China, i thought it was just another “case of the world”, not impacting Malaysia anyway. I’m writing this post to remind myself that no matter how worst the situation is, there is always another way. Making changes is always better than complaining, blaming and giving up.

When i was still “wandering in life”, i’ve found myself a new way due to the enforcement of MCO. I started a job that eventually turned out to help me earn more than i can imagine. I think i had mentioned in one of my old posts before, here; that my principle of earning money is very simple, as long as i don’t harm anyone including myself, i’m good to go. A few financial rules i set to myself is having multiple streams of income, spend less than you can earn and always finding ways to earn more. I’m on freelance now so i can control my own work and time but when you were given too much freedom, you will get a little lazy sometimes… (:

But is okay, life is not just all about work, i do have a dream i wanted to accomplish so badly but i don’t want to lose the meaning of life while chasing it. Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Corona virus also gave us a sign that staying healthy and safe is the most important thing to a human being. If you know me well, i love exercising. That’s the only thing which is free and give us tons of benefits mentally and psychically.

2020 is the year of improvement, mainly on my finance. I managed to save up a sum of amount which is the highest in my record so far. Just a year ago, i was a women in 30s with zero savings in my bank account. I’m not joking and i’m not ashamed to admit that as well. In the past i just couldn’t earn more to get savings. Mentioning about this, i recall a chinese saying “there will be ups and downs in life, no one will stay stagnant forever”. I guess probably i’m having the up now but that doesn’t mean i can spend incautiously, even millionaire can go bankrupt if there is no financial planning. Thanks to the savings i got i managed to renovate my house for some interior upgrade after 8 years of staying here. For me spending on housing is not a waste because it is for long term comfort, and same goes to family members because they are the dearest ones to me.

In 2021, i wish that everything will goes smoothly for me. There are a few top wishlists i wanted to achieve within these two years, before reaching the age of 35. Yes, mainly on financial settlements ― the house, car and mum’s bankruptcy status, wanted to bring her to oversea before she would leave the world someday. Dear daddy in heaven, it’s been 10 years since you left us but we still talk about you once in awhile, i miss you and don’t worry, i’ll take care of mummy and the family. Please give us lots of your blessings.

Dear my life,
Thank you that i’m not born with a silver spoon.
Thank you that i had to be independent.
Thank you for all the stress.
Thank you for all the failures.
Thank you that i never give up.
It makes me who i am today.

Continue Reading

2019, i’m still alive.

I’m writing this post on 4th February 2019, at 2.16pm. My current location is in Macau, China. It’s my 54th day here and i had been sick for 4 days. Today is the eve of Chinese New Year and it’s my first time spending this important celebration alone. While the Chinese are preparing for a hearty reunion dinner, i’m preparing myself for work later; what’s making me feel worse is i’m having midnight shift for the month. I’ll say i specially miss home at this moment, but its’s okay. I know what i’m doing and i’ll make sure it’s going to worth it.

I may sound very negative now but don’t take me wrong, i’m actually very grateful that i’m still living healthily. Even though i’m a money’s slave but i know very well that money can’t buy a good health and having that is actually the richest thing in the world. A year ago, i thought i had this illness, it was actually 98% confirmed by the doctor through phone call at first, but after a further blood test the result came out to be negative. My tears burst out when i was on my way driving to the hospital, i just couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about everything. When you know you’re near death, at that moment, you’ll realise what really matters to you, and no, it’s not money.

I remembered i came across this article online, it’s from a cancer patient who left a few of her last words and she mentioned “That’s the thing about life, it’s fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right.” Her words left me a deep impression and had inspired me to appreciate my life even more. Nobody knows how much time we’re left. Just two weeks ago, i received a heartbroken news where my first ex-boss had passed away from an accident. I was really shocked when i learned about him. Life is indeed fragile and unpredictable. Maybe life is too short for us to worry so much about what is going to happen next. Maybe life should be lived each day as if you were to die tomorrow. But how many of us can afford to do so?

We’re always busy making a living that we forget to make a life, i’m no different. People that know me will know that i’m always working hard to achieve financial security. The path is not easy especially if you have no one to count on, but i truly believe the sufferings and pain is what made me who i am today. Independent and determined. Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger. At this point of my life, i’m feeling proud enough of myself. For being able to own a house and car in my mid 20s, at the same time taking care the needs of my family. I know there’s much more greater people out there but what i’m trying to say is i’m feeling content for what i have now. Some people will chase for fame and material possessions, but for me those are not the real happiness of life. 

This year might be a year to remember as i’m turning 30 years old. Most of my circle of friends are either engaged, married or married with kids. My sister will be popping out her second baby in March (i’m having a baby niece soon!). Everyone seems to be doing the “supposed to do thing” at their age but i’m still lingering around. I know my relationship is still not perfectly clear but at least i’m happy now. It has not been my focus anyway. I believe everyone has their own time zone, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, in the right time, with the right person.

Continue Reading

188 days in 2018.

Time waits for nobody, whether you like it or not. Just a blink of eye, 188 days had gone in 2018. If you’re reading this, stop at this moment and ask yourself, what had you done for the past 6 months?

I had been struggling and stressing myself on financial concerns. It feels like no matter what i do, how much effort i put in, the problem is still there. Last month, for the second time, i quit my job in Malaysia to work abroad in Cambodia. I’ve always wanted to try something new because i know if i don’t change, nothing will change. I miss home, family to be exact, but if i love them, this is the only way to give them more. At least this is what i can do for now.

The first month here was not easy, and it is still not easy now, words can’t describe the feelings that i had been through. I felt down most of the times, and i thought of giving up a few times in just a month. I guess i was really mentally and psychically tired. Last week, i got sicked really badly. I had extreme high fever, followed by dizziness and vomit. I can’t even walk out to get myself some medicine. I wouldn’t forget the feeling, the moment where i cried and wiped my own tears.

If you ask me how long am i going to work abroad, honestly i can’t give you an answer. All i can say is i’m trying very hard to stay strong. I have something that i need to accomplish, a short term goal.

*wipe tears*
Sorry i’m quite emotional now but people who cries are mentally stronger right? (:

Different people deal with emotions differently. When i’m happy, i blog. When i’m down, i blog as well. I like to express my feelings through writing and photos. If i’m stress, i workout because it makes me feel better after that. I noticed that the older i am, i prefer doing something more productive and meaningful, instead of wasting time just like that. There’s so much more i wanted to do in my life including giving back to the society.

Relationship?

I guess i’m not that kind of girl that is good enough for anybody. Or maybe i’m not ready to start a new relationship. Or maybe, alot of maybe. Time to time, i do reminisce about the past. People that i’ve met, people that had walked through years with me. The feeling, the concern is still there. Love has so many definitions but for me, love is something real, honest, loyal and lasting, despite of your wealth, appearance and attitude. How many of you can really love someone? Or i should rephrase, how many of you are willing to love someone? I believe that everything in life is a choice, a decision to make, and love should be the same too.

Continue Reading